singedsun

I am COVID positive. My friend and their partner both tested positive today also. So much for going out with friends. I'm very blessed that I've made it this long without catching it, and that this just feels like a super bad cold and not something much worse.

I worked yesterday but took today off to sleep. Right now I feel okay, but it kind of goes in and out so who knows how I'll feel tomorrow. I'm hoping this passes quickly.

I am not big on resolutions or goal setting at the new year, it's so hard to know what the year will bring and I hate the idea of getting halfway through the year and realizing something isn't possible because of circumstances that might be beyond my control. I keep a bullet journal (and have been keeping something like it since before 'bullet journals' were a thing) and use it pretty much daily. When there's something I want to work toward, I tend to brain dump a lot of little stage tasks that I know will help me get there.

For instance, I've been wanting to do a living room purge and rearrange for awhile now. Though money and circumstance have made that a little difficult. But in my bullet journal I have a task/brain dump page for all the little things that could be done. Like picking out a new sofa style even if I can't buy it yet. Or moving the television, which will facilitate space to move the old sofa where I'd like the new one when we can get it. Throwing away/Donating or Selling old media to make room and have less to move. That kind of thing. I don't work under the assumption that'll all happen in a month, let alone this year.

I also have a career goal of working my way into management. I've been a team lead several times, but every time I get there some circumstance, reorganization or timing issue gets in my way at the place I'm working. This isn't in my control and if I like the job (or place of my job) enough, I'll stay until something forces me to move on: contracts, environment, mergers. The goal still exists and I can still work with it in mind, talk to my manager to make those intentions known and watch for management positions, but that doesn't mean I'm going to get there. And that's okay to me, as long as I'm not drowning in stress or toxicity where I'm working (like I was last year) I don't mind staying where I am if all other conditions are workable.

Literally the only "goals" I make for myself are nice wants, nothing that I know at the end of the year I'll feel like I should have done. I do my best (my very virgo best) to live outside of the "shoulds" because it's not good for my mental health. My wants are usually daily things like: keeping a gratitude log, doing a duolingo lesson, a mimo lesson, a reiki session/practice or lesson, reading a little (no specific page or word count goal) & writing (if I can - again without a specific daily goal of words). None of these will I be mad at myself if I miss a day, none of these I "track" except for to put them in my bullet journal as daily tasks (so I'm not totaling up how many days I did the thing in a month or for the year). It's just for me, just for the day, and there's no stakes attached. Things like putting on moisturizer and chilling out before bed with an ASMR video... these things aren't even things I put as "to dos" they're just habits I want to do as much as I do brushing my teeth or taking my meds. So they don't get tracked at all.

I do track my written words throughout the year and I have a spreadsheet that auto-build charts for me by month and by project. But that's track the number of words written when I do write - with a GYWO out goal of 75k in a year because I know that's reasonable for me to achieve. Like using Goodreads to set a 40 books to read this year goal. They're low stakes, nothing in my life depends on those and they're not specific to 2022 anymore than any other year.

At this age in my life, I know what I'm capable of in a year (generally speaking) and I'm usually content to maintain and add to, if possible. I know in my last post I mentioned my media tracking, a thing I am big on doing -- but it's not for a purpose. It's literally meaningless, I just enjoy doing it.

I guess my issue is just that for me, I don't need an end date on my goal setting. They're all nice to haves, or interesting to do, and if I reach them... great! and if I don't, I don't.

With all that said, I did yesterday in my practice write down like the most general "goals" for this year. [As an aside, my mother in law gave me a Spell a Day journal for Christmas and my aim is to check it every day for things I could potentially enjoy working. January 1sts, obviously, was about goals and setting intentions for achievement. With that in mind I did set some goal intentions, but like I said in the most general/generic way possible.]

Also, I do choose a word every year as my overall intention. For 2022, it's SHINE. For me, "Shine" is just about putting my best foot forward, in work, in writing, in personal growth. My word for 2021 was "Growth" and I certainly did a lot of that. So for 2022 I want to use that to just be a little bit of a more content me, a happier me in a way that's outwardly noticeable to others.

So here's what I have for 2022:

1. To work towards a manager position at my new job (there's some training I might be able to take, and my manager left just a few days ago and I've been asked if it's something I'm interested in -- I said I was). I am very new to this job so if it doesn't happen in 2022 I can at least make some progress towards putting myself forward for a job like that.
2. I want to complete a NaNo month again. I had to forgo November about halfway through last year due to the job change, so I'd like to try one of the months (April, June or November) this year and make the 50k.
   For writing in general, my goal is only to write more than last year -- which in turn goes toward my 75k GYWO goal (I hit 76k last year.) 200k was definitely too big a reach for me.
3. I want to see the grandsons at least twice next year - either in Florida or have them here since very shortly the divorce paperwork will be settled and they'll be free to visit. Twice is doable given my vacation time at the new job and travel availability.

And that's really it for the year. Not that there aren't other things I want to do... pay off some bills, maybe get a new car, the living room thing I mentioned. But those aren't "GOALS" for me. If I go another whole year without making a dent in those... or I make a dent but don't finish the whole thing? That's fine by me.

Tried to get this put together as I was listening to things through the week, which seems the best way for me to put some immediate thoughts together. Couldn't make it for Friday, but we're getting closer together. Most of this is actually from this past week. So that's something!

I had a pleasant Sunday with my bestie who came to hang around for a few hours and catch up after so many months. I haven't been able to spend real time with her since October when we had a COVID safe weekend away. I saw her briefly a few weeks back, but not long enough to catch up with her or talk of anything of substance. She came over just to hang out and have dinner and spend some nice quality time together. Matt went over to spend time with his family over dinner too, so it was a nice to just be able to hang out together awhile.

It was so, so nice to be able to be able to hang out and talk with her for a few hours. I've been in like three restaurants at all since having the vaccine, but we went early, right after our favorite sushi place opened for dinner so it was perfect time to have plenty of space to ourselves while we waited for food. We got out early and I was able to settle in a little bit on my own between her leaving, Matt coming home and my regularly scheduled Sunday night Bad Movie Night.

Bad movie night this week was... truly horrible. We finished a three part movie series based on the Left Behind movies from the early aughts' Perfect bad movie night movie fodder and eighteen-ish years distance from the first movie, we felt like it was far enough away to watch them and not feel bad about the potential pennies anyone might get for our Amazon Prime streamed movies. If people want to talk about them, I'm happy to write something up about them. They're wild.

But that's not for this post. Now, we're here for the music. I haven't seen a ton of new stuff album-wish, but there's been some great NPR tiny desk (home) concerts and some great new singles. I hope you like what I've picked out.

Jambinai is a South Korean band using a mix of modern and traditional instruments that Bob Bollins from NPR says play a mix of "metal, noise and Korean tradition". Which… yes. They also filmed this Tiny Desk (Home) Concert in an interactive museum so, the immersiveness of their show is really cool. I think if you're a metal fan, you might find them contemporaries with bands like Animals as Leaders or Tool, mostly instrumentals with some very airy vocals. I hadn't heard of them before this, but I'm definitely going to listen to more of their stuff.

Watch on YouTube

Another NPR Tiny (Home) Concert that I've enjoyed recently of a very different pop/rock vibe is Raine Stern who feels a bit like a mix of Maggie Rogers, LP and King Princess.

Similarly Nytt Land, a Scandinavian band living in Siberia with again a mix of traditional instruments and language perform this song "U-Gra" as a dedication to an ancient Siberian legend. If you've been a fan of The Hu with their mix of metal, traditional instruments and throat singing, you'll probably like this too.

Watch on YouTube

I feel like this song is familiar, but I've never heard this version before. But I am FOR IT. Techno song in a big band format? Yes, please and thank you. Has a very Brass Against feel if you've watched anything I've recommended from them before.

Watch on YouTube

Not sure if I've ever recommended the covers from Sershen&Zaritskaya, but Daria Zaritskaya has the most modern 80s rock aesthetic and a voice that is 100% built for songs like this cover of Heart's Barracuda.

I saw this via author Cassandra Khaw's twitter because she helped write some of the lyrics, but this song for the game Naraka: Bladepoint by Chen Xueran is EXCELLENT. You can listen to it on twitter here.

Let me know what you've been listening to this recently, I'd love to hear about it.

I have an appointment next with the head of our HR department to talk about *vague gesture* EVERYTHING that's happening at work. I'm not sure what that's going to look like, or how I'll come out of it, but I'm glad it's in the works and I've got a few days to put down some ideas to take to that meeting.

I got the news yesterday that I'm getting my first covid vaccine dose on Monday, so I'm taking half-a-day Monday morning so I can get that done and go to my first IN PERSON migraine appointment. The current regimen is working through so I'm hoping those are both short visits.

Then after work yesterday I went out and got to see my baby niece for a little while. I hung out and watched tik toks and played music for us while my sister went to the hospital to visit the new little one in the NICU. They're tentatively on track to bring him home finally in May. My niece is sweet and cuddly and we just chilled the whole time I was there. I wish I could see her more, but I know that's not possible right now.

One of my coworkers accepted a job with another team at our company, so she's not leaving next week when everyone else is. I can't tell you the wave of relief I felt at knowing I'd still have ONE of them around to talk to during the day. Training is still going awfully, but my coworkers make it worth the effort. I realized in therapy today that I've started to grieve them a little -- realizing how special our little group is and how much I love these women I work with. I've got to deal with that somehow, but I'm also learning in therapy about how much stress and decision fatigue I'm under, it's hard to call it traumatic, but I know that's what it is... that's what makes this all so difficult.

OH! This didn't happen this week, but recently. I'm finally getting a small piece of flash fiction published. It's actually the first bit of a piece I wrote for jukebox last year. I'm proud of it, and I'm excited I will no longer have a query letter that says I'm unpublished! :D Speaking of, after Futurescapes I've been going back through my critique notes and figuring out what I need to work on next. My workshop teacher, an author named Christian Heidicker called what I need to do next is "commit a crime board" for my story. I need to do that before April because I plan to take my novel back into Camp Nano and work on it some more.

I hope you have had some good days, positive days, amid all the mess. Tell me in comments if you've got any good news to share!!

so, Matt and I had to finally breakdown and replace our refrigerator. We spent money earlier this year to get the ice/water working again (after many years) and it was working until recently. When Matt came back before Thanksgiving, the fridge started making some real weird noises like it was starting and stopping constantly, plus the ice overflow was freezing inside the freezer side and it was just generally a problem. Plus, it's original to the house, not to us, so it was going on like 18-ish years. It was definitely time to upgrade. It was supposed to come Thursday, but I guess they put it on the wrong truck so the guy wasn't prepared to bring it in and install it, just deliver it to the driveway? After a call with customer service we sent the fridge back on that truck and it came back on the right one Friday. It looks nice, seems to be working fine and actually fits better in the space than the old one. Hopefully it stays that way.

That's not even the best thing though. Yesterday, I got an email that I was accepted to the Futurescapes writers intensive in January, with classes in March. In order to go you both have to submit 1500 writing sample which goes through a few rounds of judging so they can keep class sizes small to match with the writers they have scheduled. I took a chapter of my recent Nanowrimo novel (because it's the thing I'm most excited about working on right now), edited it down a lot to make it work in the 1500 word max. Apparently, they liked it enough though. By the time I got my acceptance notice, the worldbuilding class with Fran Wilde was already full. But the class with Mary Robinette Kowal and Dan Wells about sci-fi writing (which is some of what my novel is) is open. So I've signed up for that.

I'm know I'm never going to have the money or time off to go to Clarion or Viable Paradise or Gotham Writers workshop programs. And this being an international and digital format is PERFECT. Honestly, Matt suggested I submit something but I really didn't think I was going to get in. I've had a bunch of rejections on other things and haven't really been trying to submit anything lately. So getting that acceptance email yesterday just absolutely thrilled me. The workshop intensive is in January so you have a chance to create a really good work that's good for critiques and actual workshopping during classes and the rest of the experience in March. Anyway, I'm VERY EXCITED about this. And nervous. And I know as soon as I've finished my Yuletide & Critmas stories, I've got to work more on that novel to get at the very least a mostly completed draft. (I'm almost done with Yuletide - which is good since they're done in a week. But have yet to start my Critmas piece. One thing at a time.)

It's been two weeks since I've been back from Florida and I think the weather situation changing from the sea level and storm weather and coming home really messed up my sinuses. My upper gums hurt? Which I know is a sinus infection thing. I mean I feel okay for the most part, just the sore gums and congestion. Aside from writing I don't have much else planned this weekend but to rest up. I'm really hoping it's not a full sinus infection. I normally get an allergy shot this time of year because my sinuses are so bad but I'm trying to avoid both more doctor's visits but also having to take anymore antibiotics because I don't need any hits to my immune system this year if I can help it.

I've also been collecting Christmas presents for family in various rooms of my house. We're not getting together with anyone this year, obviously. So I've got to start putting together what needs to be mailed and then wrapping the rest to deliver to friends and families. The kids stuff has to be shipped to Florida, and then I think we'll just try and do porch drop-offs for all the people in town. If I can get all that together this weekend then we can do that in the evenings this week.

Got so much good cleaning done this weekend. There's nothing like searching for one particular thing that motivates me to do a bunch of deep cleaning so it can be discovered again. Which I did find. But I tore apart my entire closet in the process. I haven't been able to see the floor in there for like a decade due to large rubbermaids and old luggage and shoes and all the variety of things one tends to collect and has no other home for. One giant trash bag and several loads of laundry later, things are organized, I've pulled the giant rubbermaid with the majority of my CD collection into my office and the floor is wonderfully cleaned and visible. The cats keep wandering in there and sniffing everything. The dogs are just mad we picked up the blankets they'd taken to sleeping on.

I've started the long process of ripping old CDs, starting with the goth collections I found both in that one giant rubbermaid container and the second one that had somehow migrated into the basement already. That box will have to come into the office too at some point, but for now I grabbed the two big collections out of it I was looking for and will save the rest for later.

In addition to some deep digital organization by reposting some of my old game reviews from my time at GamingAngels.com on my website. I think I got everything from all the sites I've written for, for now. It's enough at least that I've already used it to apply for a paid zine article. For non-fiction, I'm happy to continue to use my old name and website. For fiction... well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Also I promised some horror movie reviews, so I've been working on those too. I've now watched 2 movies in which an evil app kills people. And 2 movies in which people are convinced to do horrible things for money and the amusement of some very rich people.

BeDeviled: [Amazon Prime] I'm stating up front that this was awful. It's about a group of "teens" who get this app on their phones akin to something like Alexa. It talks back to them, it handles texts and emails and a variety of tasks. And then it preys on their fears and haunts them and they start getting picked off one by one. The concept itself is interesting, I suppose. And I've heard other people state that they like this movie but it definitely wasn't for me. The jump scares weren't scary, the deaths weren't either. At best the only actually scary thing was the app itself and depths of people's lives it plumbed in order to scare them. Not worth the watch unless you're very bored.

You Die: [Amazon Prime] A GIANT CW for this movie for suicide.
You Die is an Italian movie that's part BeDeviled and part The Ring. This movie has subtitles but is all in Italian (with one short conversation in English). So it required my full attention to watch. This movie begins with a girl downloading an app called "You Die" onto a guy's phone. The app gives you 24 hours to download the app onto someone else's phone or... you die. In that 24 hours the person is beset by ghosts, at first through the app which functions a little like an AR game that shows you ghosts you can't see in real life. But then the ghosts become more and more real and the people start to lose their grip on reality altogether until their 24 hours is up. If they can't download the app the ghosts get them.

This was good. While the details of the app and the internet and whatever are deeply inplausible. With a little suspension of belief, it's a good time. The spooks are interesting and the main character is likeable because of how she struggles with this in comparison to some of the others we see. It starts rough, but it's worth sticking with.

13 Sins: [Netflix] A man, about to be married, is given the opportunity to participate in a game of 13 challenges. He wins money for each challenge in small amounts at first and then larger and larger until he's completed all 13 challenges. The 'goal' I guess is to transform the person, from someone meek and in a financially difficult position to someone with confidence and money and little concern for what others think about them. The game starts simply, to kill a fly. Then to eat the fly ... and then the challenges escalate. Of course the challenges include misdemeanors and then felonies and then this guy is running from his life, and the cops, trying to complete the challenges. If he wins, he's promised, everything just goes away and he keeps all the money.

I actually really liked this one. The trope of the 'game' is a little old but I liked the escalation of the challenges. The acting was good (Rutina Wesley from True Blood is in this as the fiance) and while it's a little older so the tech is out of date, I thought it was well done. It does get really bloody though, so heads up for that if it's a thing you have trouble with.

Would You Rather: [Netflix] Another CW for suicide here too, in addition to self-harm and addiction.
A Brittany Snow movie, also staring Sasha Grey and Enver Gjokaj (from Agent Carter and Agents of SHIELD). So is the other dark game for money movie, in which a woman is offered the chance to attend a party and play a game for money. She needs the money badly to pay for her brother's leukemia care since their parents have both passed away. She attends the party with seven other guests. In this one the action is tight, centered on this dining room table the guests sit at as the challenges are passed from one player to the next. Once the game starts in earnest, the challenges are the same for all players to begin. So they have to watch or perform these challenges knowing exactly what they entail. Some of them involve harming other people. These escalate very quickly.

I have heard a lot of people really enjoy this movie for how it's presented and it certainly is interesting. I do think I really hate the rich people play games with poor people for money trope. But for the way this movie is constructed, I liked how it was done. This one is far gorier than the other three movies above, LOTS of blood here.

Apparently I had this movie on my list twice. Well that's fun to check off twice. :D

I've watched WAY more movies than I've had a chance to write about, so I'll probably do another one of these soon. And I like bundling them like this with similar themes so I'll try to do that too moving forward.

If you've watched any of these, let me know what you thought about them.

I took both Friday and today off for my birthday, giving me a four day weekend. While I spent Friday enjoying my birthday, I think I spent the rest of my weekend wrangling all my neurodivergent energy in combination with my extremely virgo vibes to reorganize or clean everything within my line of sight. I completely switched around my office, moving the desk and organizing all the cords to re-situate both my personal computer and my work laptop. I also had this huge rug underneath everything which I had to very delicately remove and then replace with a small runner instead. (My office was getting so hot during the day so I think both the new location near the vent and removing the big rug should help with.) I also brought up a new shelf from the basement in order to keep my office better organized. I cleaned a bunch too and I still need to mop part of the room but I'll do that tomorrow.

I used to do this a lot, before I was on better brain meds, where I'd just go into big rearranging or cleaning moods. Once it hits it's kind of compulsive, where it's all I can think about doing until I finally do it. In this instance though I had a good reason for the office stuff and I'm hoping that when I go back to work tomorrow I actually get the benefits I've been envisioning. I will say though every time that I go through one of these moods I'm always grateful for the meds that keep this from being really recurrent. It used to hit me in the middle of the night, in the middle of a movie, in really inopportune moments and that compulsive feeling was a whole long stronger. (Doing it all in a night instead of meting it out over a weekend, for instance.)

My chair is now directly in front of the window which the cats have all quickly located, so we'll see how much trouble they get themselves into with that before I have to change something. Kylo, our normally very quiet black cat who rarely visits my office, has already gotten her claws stuck in the curtain which I had to help her untangle from because she got to high up to lift her paw further. They've also located the one empty corner of my desk so I'm going to need to secure my monitors before they just knock them off the desk in attempts at cat shenanigans.

I did make my doctor's appointment this morning and she wrapped up my arm and told me that if the pain doesn't go away on it's own in a few days that we can do some steroid shots and an EMG test to see what's happening with the nerve responses in there. She did think it's likely carpal tunnel but it would take the test to know for sure.

The rest of my long weekend I spent catching up on Dimension 20's A Crown of Candy. For those that don't know what that is, it's a real play D&D show done by the crew at CollegeHumor (now Dropout.tv). They do their campaigns much different than other real play shows. It's SUPER well-produced with outrageous set pieces and miniature figures. And the lore of each story is very in-depth, they use a few people to help with all the pre-work of expanding the world's story, crafters to custom produce the models. The A Crown of Candy series is a sort of Game of Thrones-eque story but in a world where everything and everyone is made out of a different kind of food. It's a wild, fast-paced story. And instead of the three or four hour episodes of other shows like Critical Role, each episode is between an hour and a half and two hours. I really like how it's put together and when I'm done with this series, I'm going to pick up one of their others (they've had several). You can watch the first episode on YouTube here, if that at all sounds like your kind of thing. If your a fan of the McElroy brothers, they're in a series called Tiny Heist (where everything is based around toys -it's hilarious).

I did plan to rewatch Bill & Ted's Face the Music (which I watched on my birthday, and loved) but got so into A Crown of Candy, I never made it. So that will probably happen before I move on to another Dimension 20 show. I did rent a new horror movie called, The Rental -- but let me save you the trouble of picking that up -- it was slow, and really not that interesting at all. It wasn't worth the $6 or whatever it cost to rent. When I do another bad horror movie post, I'll say more.

Things what I have finished recently that are not horror movies (caveat: some are horror games). For the basis of I don't have a lot to say about some of them and too much to say about other which would be spoilery, I'll do my best to keep these short.

Books:

I've been reading slowly this year because many of the books I usually read are audio books on my commute. Since I'm not doing that and I prefer to work to music than talking, I'm just not getting through them as quickly. But while the boys were here I did find it easier to pick up physical books while I was supervising their movie-watching or play time. [Books link to GoodReads]

Tyler Johnson Was Here :: a quick, engaging but rough read about a black teenage boy who loses his twin brother to police violence. This is an #ownvoices book and based on the author's life. This reads like a YA but honestly I think it only made the pace of the story move quickly and kept you well into the main character's head. If you're up for the subject matter, I'd definitely recommend it.

The Adventure Zone: Petals to the Metal :: I love the way they've transformed this show into a comic. It's got all the same beats, funny and bittersweet and the art from Carey Pietsch is lovely as always. Honestly I felt like this format worked pretty good for Petals to the Metal -- I found it hard to listen to and understand what was happening at some points during the podcast and this format definitely helps with that.

Faith: Taking Flight :: This is an original novel for Faith Herbert before she becomes Zephyr. If you're not familiar with her character, Faith/Zephyr is a fat, queer superhero who appears in her own comic from Valiant Comics written by Jody Houser. You can find that here The book is written by Julie Murphy who also wrote the novel that spawned the Netflix movie, "Dumplin'" last year. I LOVED this. It's amazing to read about a positive superhero, who's not just a big pop culture nerd but fat and queer. This also reads a little like a YA novel, both given the modern language, the character engagement and the ages of the characters in the story. I LOVED THIS and I really hope there's more.

TV:

The Umbrella Academy :: I blew flew the whole second season this past weekend. I loved it a lot and appreciated the nuanced approach to the growth of these characters. It's easy to see how their childhood formed them, and it's touching how their interactions as adults. I also really appreciated how they changed Vanya's character in this arc. I have not gone back and read the comics again yet, but I plan to break those out soon to do that.

Video Games:

The Last of Us 2 :: I cried more at this game than I have during any other piece of media I've consumed this year. That's not a bad thing I don't think, just for me a way to see the powerful impact of the story this game was telling. I cannot state how much I love this game and it's predecessor. Few games get to me the way this one does. Boy was it LONG though. I kept finishing story arcs and finding a new one just around the end of it. The way these games do soft and quiet moments are exquisite and contrast the violence just so well. There's a quote Troy Baker repeats from a fan during the Retro Replay series for TLOU 1 that's basically that the game is worth it for "the giraffe moment". And I think TLOU 2 (for me) has a moment like that too. I'm looking forward to replaying this sometime in the future.

The Walking Dead: The Final Season :: Because I guess I'm not enough of a glutton for punishment, I decided to finally pull this out to play. I love Clementine so much. I will always wish for more time with her. I loved how the decisions you make in this game are forming AJ's personality. I don't know if I'll go back to replay this to see the other outcomes. The route I chose was difficult, but I liked the end result. Also this game giving me the opportunity for a sweet f/f relationship, yes please and thank you. Back to back games with zombies and loving girlfriends.

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune :: I got the remastered first three Uncharted games from my brother-in-law and needing a different vibe, I broke this out. This is a 2007 game that I never played and I almost wish I would have now. It's a quick game by today's AAA standards (about 7 hours) but the story is tight and controlled and you can set your own pace to explore (but not too much). It's more fun than I expected it to be. I've already broken into Uncharted 2. I don't know much about it other than people love it even more, so I'm looking forward to it.

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That's it for now I guess. I've started reading Brooke Bolander's "the only harmless great thing" novella. It's strange already, so we'll see how it goes. I've still been watching a BUNCH or horror movies (both good and bad) so expect another post about those soon.

Since I can't type a whole lot right now, I thought I'd come in with some small things. Especially since I didn't have the ability to put together my New Music Friday post. That effort is just a lot more than I've got at the moment for my set up. However, I did work today in my new space, even sans new desk I put up all the other stuff and put a folding table where the desk will be and it was pretty nice. My arm feels better today after work than it has in awhile. Though while typing and gaming still not great, so I'm laying it off as much as possible when not working.

My continued watch list of horror movies is ever growing. I'm VERY close to giving in to at least a 30 day trial of Shudder, if not dropping something in order to pick it up. I can't do a big post right now, but I've watched a couple of stinkers, so let me leave with you with a short list of DO NOT watch these:

• Blood & Lace - I don't know how old this movie is (late 60s early 70s maybe?) and maybe it gets scary later, but 10 minutes in and the detective and the PI are talking about what good "breeding stock" the teenage survivor is and I noped out and this was a complete did not finish for me.
• Even Lambs Have Teeth - a r*pe revenge fantasy where two girls get back at their kidnappers. I get what they were going for, and I like some female vengence, but this missed the mark in a lot of ways.
• Dark Encounters - Aliens. Come to a small US town in the 80s to tell one family what happened to their daughter who is been missing for a year. All the actors are British which makes every bit of dialogue sound fake, even in intense scenes. And the pay off was not worth it. Also, what a concept.Jesus.
• Scare Me - A low, bottom of the barrel budget horror anthology that's like a modern day Afraid of the Dark. It's got a bunch of mixed political messages and strange stories and BAD acting and it's just not worth your time or energy.

One movie has stood out as an absolute must watch if your like an old school slasher movie fan, or maybe even just like a Mystery Science Theater fan. My friends and I watched Chopping Mall over the weekend. It was great. We laughed so hard, it's so dumb and JUST the right kind of bad for watching with friends you love, who also love bad movies.

As a reminder if you haven't been through your passwords or reset your DW password, pay attention to denise's recent post. I got a message from reddit today that my account had been suspended for suspicious activity and had to go through the whole thing to reset my password over there. I was pretty quick to do it, but someone had definitely started the process of stripping all my profile info from my account.

To share a musical thing before I sign-off for today. I came across the new Halocene video and thought it was worth sharing. Four awesome rock/metal female vocalists got together for a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody and it's very enjoyable. I hope they do more like this together.

Watch on YouTube

I went to the doctor today and found out that the migraines I've just been thinking are bad due to weather and stress and you know *gestures everywhere* weren't just migraines. Those migraines and some of the symptoms of the new migraine pills I've been taking have been masking an ear infection that I've only now noticed because the pain was radiating into my jaw, which I definitely knew was not supposed to be migraine related. I assumed it was like a low grade cold or something, but no. Apparently my ear canal is extremely swollen and I really should've noticed by now.

I was doing the thing a lot of us with chronic illness due, especially in times of stress, I was ignoring stronger or slightly more overwhelming symptoms and just sort of gritting through the pain because that's what I needed to do to get through the day. I was dismissing them as eh, it's just this, it's just that. Meanwhile I knew I was more tired than usual, that the nausea was more severe than normal and that I was routinely tracking pain levels between 8-10 every day which is uncommon for me for so many days in the row. And I was working through it without breaks because working from home means I can make my situation work better for me, my screen is darker, I have filtered glasses, I can keep the lights off and a heat pack nearby. All things I wouldn't have or couldn't accommodate the same way in the office.

Were this a "normal" situation I would've already gone to the doctor for the migraines alone, knowing they were too much to handle for me. Instead of gritting my way through each stressful workday and then passing out for two hours each night after work because my brain just needed to shut down. It wasn't normal though I after twenty years of living with chronic illness I K N O W better. I just was trying to live like this wasn't getting to me, because that's what I'm good at.

Except now I have to take off work today and maybe Monday, we'll see while I take some rest and some antibiotics and get better again.

We did also take the Duke dog into the vet this morning. She couldn't find anything specific wrong with him either. She suggested based on the way he was acting and holding himself that he likely slipped a disc in his back or at the very least sprained something in his back. She gave him some pain meds and an anti-inflammatory which almost immediately seemed to be helping. If he's not better in a week we'll take him back and get a work up with x-rays done but based on his response already I think that might not be necessary. The fact that he's eating and drinking like normal is still the best sign it's nothing too serious.

So, so new music post from me today and maybe not from this weekend at all. I plan to chill and enjoy Mother's Day if I can. I might put together another horror movie post if I can muster the thoughts for it. Hope you all have a good weekend.