My Mood is All Over the Place
Feb. 26th, 2019 11:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
singedsunI need someone to travel into the future and report back on what the aliens have to say about Marno's ASMR channel because this is some kind of beautiful, absurdist performance art bullshit that despite being full of the kind of ASMR triggers I don't like, I'm very in to. I just watched a full forty minute video not because it did anything for me but because it's just FASCINATING. The point of this video specifically is to be unpredictable, but this dude takes it to a whole new level. He starts to read what looks like Harry Potter, but is a few lines of something that sounds like 50 Shades. He pours empty glasses over his mic to looped sounds of tapping, like he's pouring the sound on the microphone. He brushes the mic at one point and does some snipping from small hair clippers to one side but starts doing something like a dental exam rp. That one actually made me laugh. This dude is underappreciated for sure.
He's also the perfect kind of thing I needed to watch tonight. I've had a rough couple of days at work both last week and this week and I'm feeling like overly sensitive about a lot of it. Sensitive and stressed, just in the last few weeks even before this announcement was made, I think we've all been feeling the tension of something bigger on the horizon. I think in part it's what's made me really lean on writing and ASMR as emotional stress release more often recently.
My team's manager is leaving her current position in what's essentially a lateral move to a brand new role that is newly created and they've posted the position for her replacement. We were told this in a surprise meeting without any real warning and as a Team Lead who really would like to move into a manager role (something that shouldn't be a surprise to my manager or my director) I really hoped that if they wanted me for the role they would've asked me already. While I did tell both of them even after this that I would be interested in the manager role and that I know I'm capable of taking it on, I think I've decided I'm not going to actually apply for it?
I had every intention of applying until today when just the thought of it started to make me just feel bad. I'm not sure why but I've started to think it's not really the right move for me and like sticking to my current position and waiting for one of the analyst roles they want to fill comes open later this year. I feel like applying for a manager role in a group where you've been team lead for almost two years should lead to an enthusiastic bid for the manager role. I feel like if they ask why I didn't reply I should just answer in song 🎵 "I want you to want me, I need you to need me" 🎵
Maybe I'll be missing out by not applying, but I really feel like it's the right decision for me. Just thinking about it this afternoon made me want to cry and I'm pretty sure that's not the right reaction to a job I wanted to be excited about. Giving myself the freedom to just say no and know that if I don't like who they do decide to hire as the manager I could just leave... made me feel sad, but better about it all. Like I do have more experience now, I've been working as a team lead for two years so if I had to start over somewhere else, I'd be able to look a little higher up than I have before whether its a new role at this place or something different somewhere else.
He's also the perfect kind of thing I needed to watch tonight. I've had a rough couple of days at work both last week and this week and I'm feeling like overly sensitive about a lot of it. Sensitive and stressed, just in the last few weeks even before this announcement was made, I think we've all been feeling the tension of something bigger on the horizon. I think in part it's what's made me really lean on writing and ASMR as emotional stress release more often recently.
My team's manager is leaving her current position in what's essentially a lateral move to a brand new role that is newly created and they've posted the position for her replacement. We were told this in a surprise meeting without any real warning and as a Team Lead who really would like to move into a manager role (something that shouldn't be a surprise to my manager or my director) I really hoped that if they wanted me for the role they would've asked me already. While I did tell both of them even after this that I would be interested in the manager role and that I know I'm capable of taking it on, I think I've decided I'm not going to actually apply for it?
I had every intention of applying until today when just the thought of it started to make me just feel bad. I'm not sure why but I've started to think it's not really the right move for me and like sticking to my current position and waiting for one of the analyst roles they want to fill comes open later this year. I feel like applying for a manager role in a group where you've been team lead for almost two years should lead to an enthusiastic bid for the manager role. I feel like if they ask why I didn't reply I should just answer in song 🎵 "I want you to want me, I need you to need me" 🎵
Maybe I'll be missing out by not applying, but I really feel like it's the right decision for me. Just thinking about it this afternoon made me want to cry and I'm pretty sure that's not the right reaction to a job I wanted to be excited about. Giving myself the freedom to just say no and know that if I don't like who they do decide to hire as the manager I could just leave... made me feel sad, but better about it all. Like I do have more experience now, I've been working as a team lead for two years so if I had to start over somewhere else, I'd be able to look a little higher up than I have before whether its a new role at this place or something different somewhere else.
