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I watch more bad movies so you don't have to, tiny review editions
Let's run through another bad batch of just real awful DO NOT RECOMMEND horror movies. I have watched them so you do not at all need to bother with them. (My list of horror movies in 2020 has grown quite exponentially, I'll admit. I started with that original Prime list and it just sort of spiraled out from there.) So I've taken to putting them all in a spreadsheet so I know which ones I've written up and which ones I haven't. It also makes finding the two or three I have in progress SO MUCH EASIER to find.
My new table also tells me what month I watched them so I can go way back to some of these trash movies. So in no particular order:
Abbatoir [Amazon Prime] -- DUMB. This isn't about a room, this is about a haunted bed made from an ancient hanging tree of ???? times (outlaws it looks like at the start of the movie). That's not the movie though, this bed has been cursed (I GUESSSSSS?) somehow and has oddly found it's way into the hands of some rent-by-the hour party room/brothel thing (it's not explained, nor is it important). We have two couple here who have agreed to a little private swing part and they force themselves into this room, with this bed. And then basically once you're on the bed..... DUH DUH DUH ghosts will kill you if you try to leave! *gasp* That's it. Skippable.
Chain Letter [Amazon Prime] -- I literally have no memory of watching this movie. That's how unremarkable it is. It does what it says on the tin though, a bunch of high schoolers get a chain "letter" (read: email) from a dead roommate. They have to pass it on to stay alive. Boring & Unmemorable. Skip it.
Population 436 [Amazon Prime] -- Starring Jeremy Sisto, so you know it was the early aughts when this was made. This about a census taker who travels out to this tiny town to figure out if the records they have are accurate because their population has been static at 436 people year over year over year. AnD IT'S TRUE! This is like half The Lottery, half small town antics and one small part romance. It was okay???? but ultimately I didn't get much out of it.
The Weekend [Amazon Prime] -- This movie isn't even worth looking up the synopsis for. I feel like I even fell asleep through some of the middle it was just that dull. A group of friends go to a cabin for what I think was New Years Eve (though I could be wrong). One of them goes missing, and then right at the end, things are slightly interesting? But mostly it's just stilted acting and bad dialogue. Not even worth a bad movie night.
Let's end on a real bizarre one, shall we?! I present to you Butt Boy [Amazon Prime] -- This movie is fucking wild and my friends and I watched it for one of our many bad movie nights over Facetime. This is a movie about a detective's new AA sponsor, whom he begins to think has somehow been stealing children and they are inside his butt. No lie, that's the plot. But, not quite... because most of the movie is told form the perspective of the sponsor himself, who has discovered this fucking wild black hole in his ass. I wish I was making this up. It's not really horror, it's sort of a thriller I guess mixed with some chaos magic I guess. If you have bad movie nights with your friends... this is for sure the kind of movie you watch with them.
My new table also tells me what month I watched them so I can go way back to some of these trash movies. So in no particular order:
Abbatoir [Amazon Prime] -- DUMB. This isn't about a room, this is about a haunted bed made from an ancient hanging tree of ???? times (outlaws it looks like at the start of the movie). That's not the movie though, this bed has been cursed (I GUESSSSSS?) somehow and has oddly found it's way into the hands of some rent-by-the hour party room/brothel thing (it's not explained, nor is it important). We have two couple here who have agreed to a little private swing part and they force themselves into this room, with this bed. And then basically once you're on the bed..... DUH DUH DUH ghosts will kill you if you try to leave! *gasp* That's it. Skippable.
Chain Letter [Amazon Prime] -- I literally have no memory of watching this movie. That's how unremarkable it is. It does what it says on the tin though, a bunch of high schoolers get a chain "letter" (read: email) from a dead roommate. They have to pass it on to stay alive. Boring & Unmemorable. Skip it.
Population 436 [Amazon Prime] -- Starring Jeremy Sisto, so you know it was the early aughts when this was made. This about a census taker who travels out to this tiny town to figure out if the records they have are accurate because their population has been static at 436 people year over year over year. AnD IT'S TRUE! This is like half The Lottery, half small town antics and one small part romance. It was okay???? but ultimately I didn't get much out of it.
The Weekend [Amazon Prime] -- This movie isn't even worth looking up the synopsis for. I feel like I even fell asleep through some of the middle it was just that dull. A group of friends go to a cabin for what I think was New Years Eve (though I could be wrong). One of them goes missing, and then right at the end, things are slightly interesting? But mostly it's just stilted acting and bad dialogue. Not even worth a bad movie night.
Let's end on a real bizarre one, shall we?! I present to you Butt Boy [Amazon Prime] -- This movie is fucking wild and my friends and I watched it for one of our many bad movie nights over Facetime. This is a movie about a detective's new AA sponsor, whom he begins to think has somehow been stealing children and they are inside his butt. No lie, that's the plot. But, not quite... because most of the movie is told form the perspective of the sponsor himself, who has discovered this fucking wild black hole in his ass. I wish I was making this up. It's not really horror, it's sort of a thriller I guess mixed with some chaos magic I guess. If you have bad movie nights with your friends... this is for sure the kind of movie you watch with them.